Fact or Fiction? Matt Diagnosed with Rare “Fiji-Tooth”
DINKS Travel 
That's the Worse Case of "Fiji Tooth" We have Ever Seen!The following submission is either completely fictional or is fact-based. Please add a comment noting whether you think it is True or False with your own entertaining or supporting commentary. The answer will be revealed in a future comment on this post.
It didn’t take long to become impressed by the natural beauty of Fiji. Expansive beaches, crystal clear water, and the wonderful, welcoming people. But the clear skies soon darkened when Matt awoke one morning with a strange sensation in the right side of his mouth. A quick look in the bathroom mirror revealed an unexpected sight.
We had read about isolated cases of what the locals refer to as “Fiji-Tooth” while reading about the islands. The affliction imparts immediate and excessive growth of incisor or canine teeth; Matt’s dental victim was his right, top canine. The symptoms include formation of an enamel-based root system atop the crown of an existing tooth, much like the portion that can be seen in x-rays at a dentist’s office, but on the surface rather than below the gum line. Additionally, a rapid deterioration of cognitive abilities has been associated with Fiji-Tooth; Matt has demonstrated a solid dumbing-down since encountering this recent decline in health.
All was not lost though – Frustrated by Matt’s vacant look and vapid conversation, Jenn became hostile and punched him right in his funky Fiji-Tooth, which went flying from his mouth. The impact of Jenn’s fisticuff also knocked both his hat and his senses straight. Matt experienced minor pain from this informal introduction to Jenn’s knuckles which was easy to treat with a bottle of locally-made (116 poof) Bounty rum.
To ensure that Matt was fully cured, he and Jenn visited the local Coral Coast dental office. The dentist, amazed at the rapid recovery, was quick to exclaim his shock as he stated with a heavy island accent, “This is the first instance I’ve encountered in which someone has literally had the stupid slapped out of them!”
We paid our medical tab and left satisfied returning to the beautiful beach for some well earned rest and relaxation.
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Reader Comments (11)
I know for a fact this is true. The same EXACT thing happened to my brother. Except he was in Canada at the time, and it was a result of consuming too much maple syrup during a blizzard. Oh, and they call it "Manitoba tooth" eh.
I am going to say false but I love my sister and she used her fisticuffs.
False. This was in fact the "Sloth Tooth" often mistaken for the "Fiji Tooth". The syptoms appear similar, however, the 'dumbing down' was in fact the 'relaxing atmo' and 'not working for the man' case. If left untreated the victim becomes a very happy pile of pudding that will be unable to move and can no longer contemplate having to "work".
I am glad Jenn was able to treat this affliction so rapidly.
Hugs
Diane - We hadn't heard of "Manitoba tooth" until reading your comment...Now it makes perfect sense. When we arrived in Fiji, Jenn bet Matt that he couldn't survive on a strictly maple-syrup diet for three full days. Matt, being a gaming fellow, accepted the wager and chugged viscous syrup shots for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oddly, Matt remembers this bet distinctly while Jenn denies the wager, adding that she simply assumed Matt was on the newly fashionable "syrup cleanse" diet which is all the fad in New England states.
Brent - The healing power of Jenn's fisticuffs can not be denied...Nor should it be. We have contacted the Vatican to see if they will investigate the miracle of Jenn's therapeutic boxing abilities.
Gremlin with a Crazy - We considered a preliminary diagnosis of "Sloth Tooth", however it is common knowledge that Sloth Tooth is slow to develop whereas Matt's canine conundrum appeared overnight. Is it possible that Matt came down with a case of Fiji Tooth with secondary Sloth Tooth symptoms associated with his no longer having to "work for the man"? If so, it is the first such combination known to science and should be fully documented in modern medical journals.
Fact with a few twists. This is an interesting way to present the story by the global roaming couple. One fact not addressed is this phenomena only occurs in men. Polynesian history states that if the "Fiji Tooth" removal is accomplished by a person of royalty descent, of the female persuasion, the tooth must be used in the piercing of a body part of the male. The piercing location is the choice of the royal. The piercing is significant in two ways. First the piercing is accomplished by the female royalty person herself and it is an indication of having a mate for life. The second is the initial therapy of the cognitive behavioral issue that the "Fiji Tooth" presents. In fact this is viewed as the first CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) ever documented and is still studied as a part of a psychotherapeutic approach to this phenomenon. I look forward to pictures being posted of the piercing.
Uncle - After reading your post we took steps to further pursue the Fijistic piercing tradition. Unfortunately, limited sterilization facilities and the jagged shape of the tooth itself presented unexpected complications. You'll be pleased to hear that Matt's medical evacuation to a more hospitable climate went smoothly. Unfortunately, the experience has resulted in a regression to the limited mental capacity experienced during the original dental development, implying either ineffective cognitive behavioral therapy or a lack of royal lineage on the female's side of the family. We have hired a panel of top genealogists to fully explore Jenn's lineage...you'll likely be contacted by them in the near future as the interviews progress. While this approach is both time and cost intensive, it is a small price to pay to resolve the profound mysteries of Fiji-Tooth.
I am guessing this will not be the last time Matt gets slapped around by Jen on this trip.
Steve - Thank you for your insightful observations. When asked about your prediction, Jenn responded with a somber, "no comment". It seems she's pleading the fifth - 1, 2, 3, 4, fifth! :)
And now for the grand reveal - Did Matt really encounter a rare instance of Fiji Tooth? Nah, that's just Matt's normal vacant and distant stare...The answer is definitively "Fiction". The winningest answer goes to Brent with a healthy allocation of creativity points to Uncle, Diane, and Gremlin with a Crazy. Thanks to all who participated.